Polite Politics

When did politics become reprehensible? When did it become a determining factor for acceptance? It only took one individual to alter the way in which we dealt with politics, and people’s minds quickly moved to conspiracies rather than politics altogether. Politics has historically been plagued by unethical behavior. Regardless of whatever side you support, the government always has ulterior motives. The concept of the language used by the government (politics) is meant to be one that is instructive, educational, and transparent. Yet, POOF, GONE in a flash!

It’s a new era. When I was younger, politics at the dinner table took a different tone. It wasn’t anything that was brought up in casual conversation. There was an unspoken agreement to accept each other’s differences. You didn’t go around bragging about who you voted for since it was a private matter and you had the right to keep it that way. Because asking about your political affiliation would be considered an invasion of privacy, no one asked you who you voted for.

The only thing that mattered was your vote. No one cared which side you voted for, and people respected that. Unfortunately, this is no longer honored in 2023. Suddenly, everyone has a lot to say about their political preferences and allegiances. It used to be necessary to demonstrate your loyalty in order to receive something in return, but these days, there is no such thing.

For many citizens, 2016 was a nightmare come true. There were many broken hearts and estranged relationships as a result. Frequent disagreements arose at the dinner table, with people expressing their deviant political views without evidence and merely because someone said so. For some, it was so horrifying that American Horror Story devoted an entire season to it. For many, it was a terrifying experience.

When that time came, the polite politics that were played out around the table, at the workplace, and even in some social circles took an unexpected turn. People’s minds seemed to flip to the “I don’t care about respect” position, where they would say whatever, they wanted, regardless of whether or not it was true. And when the untruth is repeated so frequently, it transforms into this idea that is suddenly accepted as fact despite the lack of any supporting evidence.

It’s been seven years since this radical lifestyle shift first began. And it has taken on a life of its own. Polite Politics not only vanished but turned into pure evil. The promotion of hatred was now the norm in politics. Whether a statement is true or false, the instant it is repeated, it becomes part of a chain of events. I know when it’s appropriate to speak up and when to keep my mouth shut. Of course, you need to do it the proper way, so be forthright and respectful.

So how can one discuss politics without offending others?

• Consider first the nature of your relationship with this person. This will assist you in determining your approach to the subject.

• Second, ensure that your emotions are under control. If your initial response is passionate and aggressive, your audience’s concentration may be broken. You should remain calm, listen, and give them an opportunity to express themselves.

• Thirdly, use language that is tranquil, cordial, and respectful. Don’t use phrases like “that’s dumb,” “That sounds crazy,” or “Are you out of your mind?” Attacking their line of thinking straight away will put an end to the conversation. The goal is to keep the discussion going, even if you disagree with what they are saying. F

• Finally, do not be afraid to confront them with evidence. When making an argument, be sure to make use of proof and evidence; people learn a lot faster when they can see how things go together. Give them the opportunity to see what it is that you see.

No one is immune to the destructive power of bigotry in today’s world; it doesn’t matter what race, religion, gender, or political affiliation you identify with. So many individuals have succumbed to hatred, violence, and deceit. It was a silent understanding that political and religious discussions could become passionate and hostile, but never violent, never to the point where you feared for your life, which prevented many establishments from permitting such discussions.

I am still somewhat traditional. I have companions with whom I disagree politically, but I respect their position. Do I approve, Hell No! But because I respect them, I do not become angry or hostile; I simply listen and let them know I disagree. I haven’t lost any friends or family members as a result of it, but they are aware that they shouldn’t approach me to talk about certain beliefs because I can get pretty impassioned about them, such as gun control or reproductive rights.

In the days when I was growing up, there was no such thing as social media, and there was no such thing as a glut of information. You learned from the television, the newspaper, and your community. Now that everybody has an opinion, things can quickly get out of hand. However, this is only one person’s opinion. We can’t just accept everyone’s thoughts and turn them into facts because where is the evidence?

Polite politics is the view that one’s personal opinions on matters of governance, voting, and national events should be kept out of the public eye. When is it appropriate to communicate these ideas and thoughts? If you feel your rights or values are being threatened, you have every right to speak out and protest. It is not a sign of weakness to speak up against bullies and demand to be heard. Yes, it is necessary to confront evil head-on despite our differences. HOWEVER, it is under no circumstances acceptable to resort to violence or hatred in order to accomplish such goals.

Is America going backward?

2022, am I correct? Every morning when I wake up, I wonder where am I? It’s starting to feel like we are in the 1950s. I would never have guessed that my parents and I would be discussing how history is repeating itself. I hear my parents talk about the prejudice, hatred, and ignorance they experienced growing up. What is frightening is that the stories are beginning to sound eerily similar to what is happening today. Who would have thought?

The differences between the generations are beginning to be understood, but not always for the better. It is UN-AMERICAN to take away someone’s rights! People come to the United States of America because we are the land of the free, aren’t we? I don’t think so. I do not have the authority to make decisions about my own body; the government does. Is this to say that men cannot have vasectomies? I mean, what’s good for the geese, you know!

I grew up in a time when I was blissfully ignorant. There was no such thing as social media so everything we know was either from television, the newspaper, or the radio. Everything had to be done in person, face to face, hand to hand and there was no walking and talking on the phone outside. People would seriously put the phone down (at home) and go to the corner store and come back with the person still waiting on the phone, no joke!

I’ve encountered racism before, but nothing like this. I grew up in a community where race didn’t matter because we were all poor or lower middle class. Nobody was judged or made to feel inferior. Bullying, on the other hand, has reached new heights. People can track you down, hack your life, and steal your identity in an instant!

Privacy?? That is what? You’re being watched by everyone! From Google to the government, and everyone in between. Social media provides numerous opportunities to hack into someone’s life. Something I never had to consider as a child. Here I am, an adult, checking Google to make sure there is nothing crazy about me. Yes, I have repeatedly Googled myself. You ought to, too. You can never be too cautious.

You can only control what is out there if you are aware of it! Overexposure is a constant. I liked not knowing things about people because it was none of my business. I’m now conflicted. Question: Do I want to know? It’s so simple to respond, “Sure, why not,” when you have access. Back then, the only means of learning information was through conversation with the subject or through rumors spread by others. You know, human stuff!

What is wrong right now is overexposure and the desire to be involved in everything! People are deciding for you regarding who you can love and what you can do to your body. That’s not cool! Each day, Europe appears better!

This and future generations will need to stand tall once more and fight the good fight. Even though my parents and their generation thought we had moved past this, all it took was one individual to push open the door once again. Natural disasters and the flu aren’t the only problems that kids face. Consider the possibility of being shot at school or someone posting something outrageously false about you. Children have to mature so quickly and deal with adult issues at such a young age because America is moving backwards!

Smart phones have diminished the humanity of the human race. However, it gave us the confidence to stand tall. The young woman who captured George Floyd on camera as well as the many others who took risks to reveal the truth. I salute each of you! This is the America I know. We won’t just watch events unfold without doing anything. We’re going to fight! We’re going to march! We will protest until we are heard. That is our right.

How to become more Private!

We are in a time where privacy isn’t such an important thing anymore. Everyone airs out their business for either attention or some kind of notoriety. It’s almost like the idea of being private is boring. But I am here to tell you that you can be a social media fanatic and still be private. Privacy is definitely underrated and if people actually took it more seriously we could prevent a lot of drama.

The key to being private is never revealing too much. Privacy is something that you use when it’s something personal about yourself. Something that not everybody should know about you. It’s not private to say you have brown eyes because we can clearly see you have brown eyes. But it is private to say that you have cataracts. See the details! No one needs to know your medical history except your doctor.

The importance of privacy in good relationships cannot be overstated. The decision to disclose your relationship status to others is yours. But details are not required. Keep your relationship with your lover private. When you keep your relationship private and your problems to yourself, you avoid dealing with nosy people and gossip.

Spare the details! Since social media has been invented people have just forgotten to hold things back. I don’t care who gave you permission, some of it is just downright inappropriate. Getting on any kind of social media you are welcoming some kind of weird transactions and even possible stranger people. It’s a pipeline of communication to the entire world.

Social media is now used against people. You can’t just freely say whatever you want not anymore. Employers look at it now. The government looks at it now. I mean you can’t say anything without someone getting offended. Like I just don’t see a point to it. But if you can be private and still enjoy the interactions of social media then you understand something most people don’t.

Okay so now down to the nitty-gritty details how do you become private exactly?

• Stick to the basics. You can tell somebody what town you live in but don’t tell them the street. You must be wondering why? Honestly, does anybody need your street address unless they’re coming to visit you!?
• Keep your secrets secret. Don’t post anything that you wouldn’t tell somebody face to face. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say oh can you believe what they posted on social media and find out it’s the first time everybody’s hearing it. That’s not cool. When it’s something that is personal don’t post it there are too many weirdos out there. People are not as understanding and non-judgmental as you think. You can’t take back once you’ve posted something. Even if you delete it somebody probably already screenshotted it  But if you’re looking for support make a phone call.
• Keep your communication on the phone. Avoid using instant messages through your social media or sending emails. Everybody and your mama can hack into your social media. As someone who has been working in the information technology world for quite a bit I’m telling you it is a bad idea to communicate on social media. Why exactly? Because it’s easily tracked. It can be easily hacked. And lastly, it’s really impersonal.
• When posting photos post them only of yourself or locations. Don’t post photos with other people unless told its okay. This way you’re not exposing your family or your friends to possible strangers. You’re honestly telling the world who your family is, what your doing and why. You’re telling people this is who I hang out with. You might as well just post their address, phone number and email on the internet then…
• Any moments or encounters in your life should be told to very few people in person. You don’t want to post anything where people can believe they know you. For instance, telling everyone you got a promotion at work. There’s no problem with this as long as they don’t know where you work. You just don’t know what people are thinking these days. Even people you think you know.  Being private really is just not sharing details.
• Never ever discuss anyone else’s business. That is a violation of trust. It is disrespectful. You don’t post about other people even if you extract their names. It is not your place to discuss anything that they have shared with you. Keep your posts about yourself.
• Opinions! They are like armpits everyone has one. Here’s the thing you can have opinions without going overboard and digging into the details of your life. What do I mean by that? If you feel strongly about a topic and it’s because it’s something personal to you be prepared if you’re going overboard people are going to see that it’s personal. It’s no longer private now. So when you share an opinion be sure that you understand whatever experience you’ve had with that is no longer private.
• And the most important thing about being private is to trust your own gut. Don’t share deeply personal thoughts and feelings with people you think might betray you. If something is telling you not to or that you need to wait you should listen to it. Now be careful not to mistake your fears from your gut.

Privacy is so much more important now than ever has been. People go overboard. They have no boundaries. And they’re doing it for the sake of attention. And I can understand to some point for those who have zero support in their lives but when you put your business out there which means you have zero privacy you’re not only letting in the good but you’re letting in the bad.

Being private allows you to control some of that innuendo. You can filter out the weirdos and what people know about you if you choose to be private. I love when people say to me, oh but you can block your page. Or you can block certain people from looking. This isn’t about that! This is about how much we expose ourselves. Also taken to account anyone can hack your page even if you block someone. They can take your information. This is about security.

I do not have social media. I used to have it quite a long time ago. It may show in some places that I have an account but I don’t. I’m not active and have no desire to be. The fact that I’m not on there really keeps people wondering what I’m up to. It forces them to call or email me. It allows me to decide who I want to bring into my life. Unfortunately being on social media people felt like they wanted to track me down. For me, that was a major No-No and I have not returned since.

Over time we have just become needy people who want the spotlight. But if you’re one of those people like me who really doesn’t care about what other people think. Then you can use some of the guidelines above. Maybe you use social media to just keep in touch with the rest of the world. Maybe you use it to keep in touch with your family. Not everybody abuses it.

Yes, sometimes a little seclusion is okay.

Leaving you with an oldie but goodie! Sad the music in the 80’s understood Privacy!

Happily Ever After

Happiness is that elating feeling you get when everything feels right in your world. And doesn’t necessarily mean everything is perfect in your life but the feeling that you have things under control and life is going smoothly there is nothing like it! And it’s extra nice when you meet someone who adds to it!

No one is perfect, everyone has a past, baggage, and flaws but the key is accepting them and deciding that the bigger picture is more important. The bigger picture is that we can see two people relating to each other, providing support, friendship, love, and laughter. You can’t see the little imperfections, you don’t notice it’s not perfect because to you it’s beautiful. Those problems are not obstacles they are stepping stones to work together and become stronger as one.

When someone listens to you, honors you, and respects you, it’s a wonderful feeling. When you have someone in your life who tells you and reminds you that you contribute to their happiness, it’s an accomplishment. When someone is happy it rubs off, you want that too. And its true what they say the more your surrounded by it, it becomes infectious.

Sometimes after a disaster, we see beauty. The clouds have parted and the sun is rising, not because you have someone who adores you. But because your life is in sync. There are still bills to pay, and you may have car problems, but so what? You know you have to pay them, you know you have to work and fix your car. All you can do is plan ahead of time and follow through. The problems will disappear if you deal with them. I was unhappy because I was running away from them. I became stronger and, yes, happier as a result of facing it head-on.

Gifts are nice, especially thoughtful ones. It demonstrates that someone is paying attention and is listening to you. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that someone cares about you and who you are. Expressing feelings, speaking your feelings isn’t for everyone. But if you can show it that goes much further than words. When someone sees you, they see all of you.

Little things can make a big difference. Because they rack up. When you can’t remember a time when someone did something nice for you, it’s time to move on. It simply demonstrates that they do not value, support, or respect you. Because when you care for someone who they are is important to you. Respecting someone entails listening to them, honoring them, and admiring them.

Someone recently told me, “A woman is the backbone of a good man,” and I thought it was a wise move. But it wasn’t just words to him; he meant it. He demonstrated that he meant it. He needed my help with something computer-related. I was able to resolve his problem. We were on a video call a few days later when a friend of his entered the room and asked how he got his computer fixed so quickly. He turned to his friend and smiled as he said, “This intelligent strong woman fixed it for me.” His friend said, ” Lucky, shoot I need someone like that in my life” and told me that we needed to be friends. At that moment I felt so honored and embarrassed but it was sweet. He was proud of me. It made me happy. It was just the kindest thing any man has done for me. And it didn’t even take any real effort.

The point is that being a good person to anyone isn’t difficult. It’s all about thoughts, plain and simple. Something or someone will flourish when you give it thought. And this friend, in particular, is restoring my faith in good people. It is such a compliment when someone truly values you.

Happiness opens your eyes and heart to new things. It’s easier to approach hard situations because you are clear-headed and steady.

But here is the thing, it isn’t anyone’s duty to make you happy. That’s your job to do that. Meaning if you want to love and respect it’s up to you to look for it. It’s up to you to find people who will value you and support you. It’s also up to you to stay away from people that make you feel bad or sad, I don’t have to subject myself if I don’t want to. Understanding your power and knowing what you can control is a big step in understanding happiness. You can’t control everything some things we just have to deal with. And facing those things head-on will keep you on your game.

Leaving you with Pharrell the man of Happy music!

Gun Violence is Killing the HUMAN RACE!!

Aren’t you fed up with hearing about people’s deaths? Are you sick of being afraid to go out in public? Are you tired of watching your children prepare for school shootings? Welcome to the year 2022, when it is allowed to hate and destroy.

All of the gun violence has made me emotional over the previous two weeks. Since 1999, it has been going on for years. I recall the horrifying day when Columbine High School was featured on the news for the thoughtless mass shooting that kicked off the deadliest domestic terrorism in history.

It breaks your heart when innocent people die, regardless of their age, because you feel helpless. Unfortunately, when children die, it demonstrates to the rest of the world that we are failing to safeguard our children’s future. What justifies elections and politicians allowing this to happen? No one wins when there is no one to vote for or when no one votes!

No one wants to hear their prayers or thoughts anymore. Not that it doesn’t work, but we’ve reached a point where more than words are required. Yes, politics is encroaching on our life! Holding us hostage for the sake of power will result in civil war.

Guns do not bother me in the least. In reality, I believe we all have that right, but it must be exercised responsibly. Gambling, alcohol, cannabis, and sex all have restrictions because, of course, some people destroyed it for the rest of us. People, just like with guns, go overboard! To preserve our children and future, we must enact legislation.

Hey, I understand! Hunting is a sport, and I see no problem with possessing a firearm. You have the option to defend yourself if you so desire. But preparing for war and killing innocent people because you’ve had a terrible day is never acceptable. STOP BLAMING THE MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM!

Mental health treatment isn’t always the best option. People may act in ways they believe to be correct. Does this imply that racism is a mental health issue as well?

Please pay attention to us! We are your constituents. We are the ones who put you in power. If 90% of Americans support stricter gun legislation, it’s time to vote out those who don’t care about our safety. We have the stronger position. Raise your voice! Protest! shout at the top of your lungs! March!

Repeat yourself to your local senator or representative until you are out of breath. Let them know how important your vote is.

Change has to take place for us to grow! Marvin Gaye’s message is still relevant today, sad that it still does.

Is Cancel Culture out of control?

Seriously, come on! The cancel culture has taken a wrong turn and has lost track of its objective.
At first, I applauded the culture for raising attention to issues that many were choosing to disregard.
It originated in 2019 as a method to call out celebrities and powerful people.

What is Cancel Culture attempting to accomplish? It may be useful if it had a purpose, a goal.
But it’s simply a ploy to keep someone out of the limelight. Your reputation, respect, and even your job may be taken away!

I come from a time when we didn’t give a damn what people did behind closed doors. We acknowledged the fact that if you’re a musician and that we enjoy your music. It didn’t go much further than that. It was a job like any other. I mean, my boss isn’t privy to every detail of my life. Why is it necessary for us to know theirs? I wouldn’t want them to either. Being a star, on the other hand, means giving up your privacy at some moment. Let’s face it, it’s not just the media that’s out of control; fans are vultures that take things to a whole new level.

Saying or doing inappropriate things would definitely result in your cancellation.
But, for some reason, we can’t cancel Trump? I’m still puzzled by that one.
Whatever the case may be, there must be a goal, a purpose, or some sort of resolution.
Okay, so we’ve destroyed your dreams, but what else can we do? There has to be something more.How about holding them accountable? Demonstrating to others that their apologies is authentic.

Like for example if your someone who used the “N” word and you got no business doing so and get caught, don’t just apologize do more. Cancel Culture has taken away this persons dreams now. I mean they can try to continue but its affected their sales, connections and image. So how about okay you didn’t mean it, so go volunteer somewhere to educate others about racial justice.

The culture has gotten out of control. It went from rapists, pedophiles and racists to anyone that even looks wrong. Can we go back to the people who deserve it? There a few people that seriously need to be cancelled and we haven’t. Where are the guidelines, the rules?

If you have done something disrespectful that should be the end of it, right? Or do we believe in second chances? A chance to improve, educate and grow. Or are we the type to destroy someone, kick them while they are down, keep them down and send them into darkness? If we are trying to improve things for the better shouldn’t start with education, conversation and understanding?

People make mistakes some are real bad though. And the ones who repeatedly do them obviously don’t learn. But there are people who actually make a mistake and it really is that. Out of pure ignorance do they say or do something that would result in an insult. It can be hard to find a way to give a second chance if it is something so horrible and in that case cancel culture not only should be enforced but lets make sure that one also disappears who wants to see that all the time?

My point is Cancel is good when its for a good cause. But cancelling for reasons that become judgemental isn’t what it should be used for. Fight the good causes, cancel those who bring humanity down and spew hate. Let’s be smart and fair in who we cancel.

Say What You Mean

In general, most people like to believe what you say. This requires articulating thoughts and ideas. However, when you promise something or make a statement with a lot of weight, there is an expectation that you can deliver on your promise.

When you say what you mean, it is essential to be reliable and conscientious of the impact you may have on others. It is like telling a child, “If you get an A, I will buy you a new phone,” they will hold you to it, especially if they work hard for it. When you don’t follow through with what you say, your words become meaningless. Their significance is lost since you simply say things for the sake of saying them.

In a way, this is similar to lying. You didn’t really intend to give the kid a phone; you just wanted him to pass the exam. What kind of impression do you leave when you say things you really don’t mean? It comes across as a lie or someone who doesn’t care about others.

Often, we say things in anger and don’t mean them. It happens. It’s what we do afterward that defines us. Thus, if you say things that hurt people and don’t do anything about it, don’t apologize, or don’t even acknowledge that it was wrong, you will end up losing people for good.

We may also express our thoughts to someone we care about by telling them they are special. It shows respect and acknowledges how unique they are. When it comes time to prove it, the words are meaningless since there is nothing to demonstrate. Please describe. It is not acceptable for someone who has been told they are special to be ignored, unappreciated, or rejected. What happens next? Yes, you guessed it. They leave. Because words are only words, the repetition of anything makes it difficult to believe. Following through, on the other hand, adds weight to your comments.

When people say things and don’t mean them, I call them Word Hustlers. One who can say all the right things to get what they need at the moment, but once they get the sale, there is nothing left for them to do.

Here is a common scenario that many can relate to:

The person owes you money and tells you frequently that when they get the money, they will give you some. Afterward, you see them with a new coat.  Then a plan is hatched to pay you back, and they tell you everything about it. Nonetheless, the plan is never implemented. In the long run, you accept that you will never get it back. The key is to simply be honest about not being able to repay it. However, when that person is spending money, and you see them with new stuff, it hurts. The reason isn’t that they owe you, but because they don’t even think about you.

My friend borrowed money from me and informed me that they would be unable to repay me. Because I knew what I was up against, I was fine with it. I admired their forthrightness and saw that maintaining our friendship was vital to them. To me, that was extremely significant. They chose to aid me in other ways because they couldn’t pay me back. This was thoughtful and respectful, in my opinion. They were always there for me when I was having a rough day or required assistance. They taught me that money will never be able to buy compassion and respect.

The important thing is that they expressed exactly what they meant, that they were honest about their expectations, and that they showed me all of their cards. I didn’t get the impression that I was being deceived in any way. In fact, I admired this guy even more for demonstrating that money does not keep excellent people out of your life.

What’s the importance of saying what you mean?

• It creates trust and respect for each other.
• You know you can count on them.

Regardless of the circumstances, it all boils down to one thing: do what you say you’ll do. I recommend seeking professional assistance if you are having difficulty. Why? This is due to the fact that there is a more serious problem at hand. It also comes from someplace where you say things just to say them. It is preferable to have a better understanding of your mind and what leads you to think in this manner rather than continue to harm others.

Valentine’s Day Pessimist…

You could say Valentine’s Day isn’t for everyone. Just because it’s labeled a Hallmark Holiday doesn’t mean that is what it truly is. That’s just a mindset for people who don’t want to celebrate love. And it doesn’t have to be romantic either. That’s only one of many kinds of love that is out there.

I grew up in a household where my mom and dad would give me and my sister roses or a box of chocolates. It was to remind us that we were worthy of the thought even if it wasn’t much. Think about it. When you were in elementary school you would give out Valentine’s day cards to everyone. But it only took one person not to give you one, felt personal, didn’t it? 

Here we are now and love is so much more important for the sheer fact the last two years everyone has been seriously lacking. There is so much indifference and hate out there why not celebrate it? What if you’re someone who never shows love or expresses care or concern for others? This could be the one day you celebrate it. It doesn’t have to be with a romantic partner, it can be family, close friends’ even co-workers.

Valentine’s Day is showing appreciation for those around you. So what your anti-valentine’s day, sometimes it isn’t about you! Being selfish and putting yourself in a box that says “No way, I’ll pretend the day doesn’t exist” only says you’re heartless and incapable of actually caring for others. Is that you?

I tell my dearest friends and family I love them, remind them they mean the world to me. Because it is also one of the loneliest holidays of the year. And you get back what you put out. I don’t want anyone I know to feel terrible on this day. I’ve seen people avoid the day altogether by not speaking to people, avoiding any communication to not feel awkward.  I love this one, they just tell you that it’s all about the cards and gifts and we should show love any day. Usually, those are the folks who never show any love on any day. Can we say hypocritical??

Any holiday isn’t about you, it’s about those around you. Okay, you are not a gift-giver, you can do something nice or give your time. Time is priceless and that’s what people will remember. When you believe you have to spend money to make someone feel special then you have no idea what love really is.

Are you stuck? Can’t figure out a way to celebrate it without going broke? Don’t want to seem mushy? Okay here are some ideas that can help out with that and it can be anyone!

• Cook dinner for them
• Get a drink together
• Take them out to eat
• Buy a single rose (means just as much as a bunch of them)
• Box of chocolate
• Teddy Bear
• Desert
• Watch a movie
• Go ice skating or roller skating
• Go to an arcade
• Put on some music and dance
• Play a board game or a card game
• Get them a card or make one or send an ecard
• Get them a gift card to their favorite coffee place
• Build a teddy bear (build a bear)
• Clean their car
• A hug or kiss can do all the same things lol

Love is pure and non-judgmental. It doesn’t know about heartache, lies, or betrayal, that all comes down to the people, not love. And clearly, their message is they don’t really know what that is. To live without love as a choice makes your life sad and lonely. And with all the messed-up things happening today, do you really want that? Start with something small, start with Valentine’s Day!

Like No Other

Ever lose something or someone and spend time looking for something just like it? For instance, you crash your car so you buy the same one but it doesn’t feel the same. Or does your favorite pizza place close so you try another local joint and the pizza just isn’t as good? That comparison is in the back of your mind and you just can’t seem to let it go.

It’s completely natural to try to replace something or someone and want it to be the same. What about people? This is probably the hardest because it says so much more than we realize. One of the big obvious is that we are comparing others to our past instead of trying to start over and looking at it with different perspective.

You find yourself looking for the same exact thing. Only to find out you’re going to be let down over and over because there isn’t anyone like them. I mean everyone is unique right? So why do we let go or walk away only to try to replace it with the same exact thing? Does that mean we didn’t learn? Or that we haven’t gotten over it? What does it mean exactly?

Well for starters it’s a huge red flag that you’re clearly not over it. Because why would you want the same thing? Think about it for a second. Have you ever encountered someone who keeps dating people who look the same? We all have a type but I mean they look exactly the same. Remember when Reggie Bush dated someone who looked just like his ex-girlfriend Kim Kardashian? Come on, we all knew what that was really about. Was it a dig at her or was it that he couldn’t get over her? No one really knows.

But for us normal people it’s probably a good indicator you’re not over them. So how do you not compare your past to your present? How does your “Type” not become a question of living in the past? Carefully is the answer. It’s okay to have a certain type you’re attracted to, not okay to want them to behave a certain way, look a certain way, and be a certain way. Can’t look for something that may not be there.

What you have to do is let go of the expectations. Go in with a clear head, no thoughts or ideas of what it SHOULD be.

• Go with the flow
• Try new things with this person
• Get to know them
• Refrain talking about your past relationships
• Focus on the here and now
• Let go of the fears
• Clean Slate
• Take an interest in something they like or do
• Learn from your past mistakes, try not to repeat them
• Listen to what they say and don’t say.
• Don’t force yourself to date or feel things. If it isn’t natural you could hurt someone.

Most of what is on the list will help you from comparing the past. Now if you find you just can’t let go then I am here to tell you “YOU’RE NOT OVER THEM”!! I don’t believe in getting under someone to get over someone. I think that’s a disaster waiting to happen. Healing on your own by paying attention to yourself and treating yourself well avoids getting others involved. Put yourself first and ask what would make you happy? Prioritize those goals. Focus on making things happen.

Helping yourself will help you keep the past where it belongs. And like I said if you can’t then maybe it’s time to have a conversation, be truthful because the only way you can get closure from someone is to be upfront about how you are feeling.

I know it’s not about pizza or that car you love. But when you first try something new expect it to be different that way you don’t get let down. It could even be better!!

How to celebrate New Year’s Eve alone…

Unfortunately, this year and last year didn’t give us many opportunities to celebrate the new year with others due to COVID. But there have been times where a pandemic isn’t the reason you were spending it alone: other factors like not having someone to spend it with, not having money or not wanting to be around others.

They say the way you spend your New Year’s Eve is an indication that’s how your year will be. So if you’re alone on NYE then you will spend 2022 alone.  But what if you are alone and happy, content and at peace, then YES you will be happy, content, and at peace in 2022. Do I believe it? To an extent I do. I’ve had an NYE curse since I was 16 spending it alone not by choice.

I personally prefer to be with people I care about but that has never worked out for me. I tried but the person I wanted to spend it with didn’t want to spend it with me, so I always spent it alone and would purposely sleep through it, I didn’t want to be reminded I was alone. In times when I was with others, I got stranded. Once I even got lost on the subway by myself at midnight. Still haven’t been able to break this curse!

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. As years have passed I’ve learned that spending it alone doesn’t have to be sad and depressing. You can use this day as a chance to reflect, renew and revive yourself. And with technology being so savvy these days you can communicate other ways so you are not technically by your lonesome at midnight.

First, figure out what do you want to accomplish on NYE. Do you want to be around others? Do you want to come into 2022 with a crowd? Do you want to be thought of at midnight? Breaking down what your trying to feel and how you want to enter 2022 can give you an idea of what things you can do alone.

Here are some ways to prepare for NYE if you’re spending it alone:

Cleanliness is close to godliness. Yes, clean the house/apartment from top and bottom. Get rid of the things you no longer use. Donate clothes or other items to charity. And when I mean clean, I mean really clean! Mop, sweep, laundry, dishes, vacuum and clean the bathroom. This allows new and good things to come into your life. (Do it with music, helps positivity come in.)

Sage. This isn’t for everyone but it helps to clear out any negative thinking or energy. After you clean your space, sage it. When you sage you want to make sure you do inside the cabinets, closets, draws, under the bed, and even the refrigerator. It’s going to get a little smoky lol (which means your doing it right). Once you’ve saged everything, then open the windows and doors and let the smoke out. This removes the negative and clears the air. Believe you will feel it!!

Speak to the Universe. Manifesting isn’t hard if you believe in what you want. Write down what you want for yourself in 2022. Write a letter to the Universe and explain what you want, try to refrain from using words with negative connotations like, don’t, not, or no. Focus on what you want not what you don’t want.

Light a candle. Lighting a candle is a bright light for positive things to follow. Think of it as your flashlight in the dark. Having the bright flame in your place will literally light up the place.

Feng Shui. Yes yes yes I believe in changing your furniture around does change the energy ( I used to get made fun of for this lol). It doesn’t have to be every room could be just one. Move some stuff around and open up some space for new things to come in.

Now that I have shared with you have to prep your space now it’s time to prep yourself.

Treat yourself to an amazing meal. Nothing better than a juicy steak or a piece of salmon. Eat something flavorful, tasty, and yes EXPENSIVE!! It’s once a year. It’s about making yourself feel good and bringing in happy times.

Take a long hot shower or bath. Soak those problems away, reflect while you are showering or in the bath. As you cleanse yourself you are releasing any bad energy and setting yourself free from anything that could be holding you back. And when you are showering clean everything, shave, wash your hair, exfoliate, and deep condition. Remember the more you take care of yourself the better you will feel.

Have a drink. Now when I say have a drink I don’t mean get hammered. A glass of wine or a beer with that amazing meal. Getting drunk can bring about bad feelings or reflections.

Plan what to watch. That movie you’ve been dying to see or that show you want to binge on. Try to keep it uplifting, I don’t recommend watching movies like “Passion of the Christ”. That’s a tear-jerker and ugh who wants to hang on to that feeling? Try more like “The Secret Life of Pets or Girls Trip”.

At midnight video chat or call someone, I know it’s not the same but that small amount of communication will make you feel better. The fact you are being thought of really has a bigger impact than your think.

If your choose to spend it alone, remember it could be a reflection of your year. If you’re ready for change and are tired of the same then start with celebrating NYE differently this year. Because if the pandemic has taught us anything life is too short to keep yourself miserable.

Happy New Year! May you have a wonderful and promising 2022!