Is Cancel Culture out of control?

Seriously, come on! The cancel culture has taken a wrong turn and has lost track of its objective.
At first, I applauded the culture for raising attention to issues that many were choosing to disregard.
It originated in 2019 as a method to call out celebrities and powerful people.

What is Cancel Culture attempting to accomplish? It may be useful if it had a purpose, a goal.
But it’s simply a ploy to keep someone out of the limelight. Your reputation, respect, and even your job may be taken away!

I come from a time when we didn’t give a damn what people did behind closed doors. We acknowledged the fact that if you’re a musician and that we enjoy your music. It didn’t go much further than that. It was a job like any other. I mean, my boss isn’t privy to every detail of my life. Why is it necessary for us to know theirs? I wouldn’t want them to either. Being a star, on the other hand, means giving up your privacy at some moment. Let’s face it, it’s not just the media that’s out of control; fans are vultures that take things to a whole new level.

Saying or doing inappropriate things would definitely result in your cancellation.
But, for some reason, we can’t cancel Trump? I’m still puzzled by that one.
Whatever the case may be, there must be a goal, a purpose, or some sort of resolution.
Okay, so we’ve destroyed your dreams, but what else can we do? There has to be something more.How about holding them accountable? Demonstrating to others that their apologies is authentic.

Like for example if your someone who used the “N” word and you got no business doing so and get caught, don’t just apologize do more. Cancel Culture has taken away this persons dreams now. I mean they can try to continue but its affected their sales, connections and image. So how about okay you didn’t mean it, so go volunteer somewhere to educate others about racial justice.

The culture has gotten out of control. It went from rapists, pedophiles and racists to anyone that even looks wrong. Can we go back to the people who deserve it? There a few people that seriously need to be cancelled and we haven’t. Where are the guidelines, the rules?

If you have done something disrespectful that should be the end of it, right? Or do we believe in second chances? A chance to improve, educate and grow. Or are we the type to destroy someone, kick them while they are down, keep them down and send them into darkness? If we are trying to improve things for the better shouldn’t start with education, conversation and understanding?

People make mistakes some are real bad though. And the ones who repeatedly do them obviously don’t learn. But there are people who actually make a mistake and it really is that. Out of pure ignorance do they say or do something that would result in an insult. It can be hard to find a way to give a second chance if it is something so horrible and in that case cancel culture not only should be enforced but lets make sure that one also disappears who wants to see that all the time?

My point is Cancel is good when its for a good cause. But cancelling for reasons that become judgemental isn’t what it should be used for. Fight the good causes, cancel those who bring humanity down and spew hate. Let’s be smart and fair in who we cancel.

Say What You Mean

In general, most people like to believe what you say. This requires articulating thoughts and ideas. However, when you promise something or make a statement with a lot of weight, there is an expectation that you can deliver on your promise.

When you say what you mean, it is essential to be reliable and conscientious of the impact you may have on others. It is like telling a child, “If you get an A, I will buy you a new phone,” they will hold you to it, especially if they work hard for it. When you don’t follow through with what you say, your words become meaningless. Their significance is lost since you simply say things for the sake of saying them.

In a way, this is similar to lying. You didn’t really intend to give the kid a phone; you just wanted him to pass the exam. What kind of impression do you leave when you say things you really don’t mean? It comes across as a lie or someone who doesn’t care about others.

Often, we say things in anger and don’t mean them. It happens. It’s what we do afterward that defines us. Thus, if you say things that hurt people and don’t do anything about it, don’t apologize, or don’t even acknowledge that it was wrong, you will end up losing people for good.

We may also express our thoughts to someone we care about by telling them they are special. It shows respect and acknowledges how unique they are. When it comes time to prove it, the words are meaningless since there is nothing to demonstrate. Please describe. It is not acceptable for someone who has been told they are special to be ignored, unappreciated, or rejected. What happens next? Yes, you guessed it. They leave. Because words are only words, the repetition of anything makes it difficult to believe. Following through, on the other hand, adds weight to your comments.

When people say things and don’t mean them, I call them Word Hustlers. One who can say all the right things to get what they need at the moment, but once they get the sale, there is nothing left for them to do.

Here is a common scenario that many can relate to:

The person owes you money and tells you frequently that when they get the money, they will give you some. Afterward, you see them with a new coat.  Then a plan is hatched to pay you back, and they tell you everything about it. Nonetheless, the plan is never implemented. In the long run, you accept that you will never get it back. The key is to simply be honest about not being able to repay it. However, when that person is spending money, and you see them with new stuff, it hurts. The reason isn’t that they owe you, but because they don’t even think about you.

My friend borrowed money from me and informed me that they would be unable to repay me. Because I knew what I was up against, I was fine with it. I admired their forthrightness and saw that maintaining our friendship was vital to them. To me, that was extremely significant. They chose to aid me in other ways because they couldn’t pay me back. This was thoughtful and respectful, in my opinion. They were always there for me when I was having a rough day or required assistance. They taught me that money will never be able to buy compassion and respect.

The important thing is that they expressed exactly what they meant, that they were honest about their expectations, and that they showed me all of their cards. I didn’t get the impression that I was being deceived in any way. In fact, I admired this guy even more for demonstrating that money does not keep excellent people out of your life.

What’s the importance of saying what you mean?

• It creates trust and respect for each other.
• You know you can count on them.

Regardless of the circumstances, it all boils down to one thing: do what you say you’ll do. I recommend seeking professional assistance if you are having difficulty. Why? This is due to the fact that there is a more serious problem at hand. It also comes from someplace where you say things just to say them. It is preferable to have a better understanding of your mind and what leads you to think in this manner rather than continue to harm others.

Valentine’s Day Pessimist…

You could say Valentine’s Day isn’t for everyone. Just because it’s labeled a Hallmark Holiday doesn’t mean that is what it truly is. That’s just a mindset for people who don’t want to celebrate love. And it doesn’t have to be romantic either. That’s only one of many kinds of love that is out there.

I grew up in a household where my mom and dad would give me and my sister roses or a box of chocolates. It was to remind us that we were worthy of the thought even if it wasn’t much. Think about it. When you were in elementary school you would give out Valentine’s day cards to everyone. But it only took one person not to give you one, felt personal, didn’t it? 

Here we are now and love is so much more important for the sheer fact the last two years everyone has been seriously lacking. There is so much indifference and hate out there why not celebrate it? What if you’re someone who never shows love or expresses care or concern for others? This could be the one day you celebrate it. It doesn’t have to be with a romantic partner, it can be family, close friends’ even co-workers.

Valentine’s Day is showing appreciation for those around you. So what your anti-valentine’s day, sometimes it isn’t about you! Being selfish and putting yourself in a box that says “No way, I’ll pretend the day doesn’t exist” only says you’re heartless and incapable of actually caring for others. Is that you?

I tell my dearest friends and family I love them, remind them they mean the world to me. Because it is also one of the loneliest holidays of the year. And you get back what you put out. I don’t want anyone I know to feel terrible on this day. I’ve seen people avoid the day altogether by not speaking to people, avoiding any communication to not feel awkward.  I love this one, they just tell you that it’s all about the cards and gifts and we should show love any day. Usually, those are the folks who never show any love on any day. Can we say hypocritical??

Any holiday isn’t about you, it’s about those around you. Okay, you are not a gift-giver, you can do something nice or give your time. Time is priceless and that’s what people will remember. When you believe you have to spend money to make someone feel special then you have no idea what love really is.

Are you stuck? Can’t figure out a way to celebrate it without going broke? Don’t want to seem mushy? Okay here are some ideas that can help out with that and it can be anyone!

• Cook dinner for them
• Get a drink together
• Take them out to eat
• Buy a single rose (means just as much as a bunch of them)
• Box of chocolate
• Teddy Bear
• Desert
• Watch a movie
• Go ice skating or roller skating
• Go to an arcade
• Put on some music and dance
• Play a board game or a card game
• Get them a card or make one or send an ecard
• Get them a gift card to their favorite coffee place
• Build a teddy bear (build a bear)
• Clean their car
• A hug or kiss can do all the same things lol

Love is pure and non-judgmental. It doesn’t know about heartache, lies, or betrayal, that all comes down to the people, not love. And clearly, their message is they don’t really know what that is. To live without love as a choice makes your life sad and lonely. And with all the messed-up things happening today, do you really want that? Start with something small, start with Valentine’s Day!

Like No Other

Ever lose something or someone and spend time looking for something just like it? For instance, you crash your car so you buy the same one but it doesn’t feel the same. Or does your favorite pizza place close so you try another local joint and the pizza just isn’t as good? That comparison is in the back of your mind and you just can’t seem to let it go.

It’s completely natural to try to replace something or someone and want it to be the same. What about people? This is probably the hardest because it says so much more than we realize. One of the big obvious is that we are comparing others to our past instead of trying to start over and looking at it with different perspective.

You find yourself looking for the same exact thing. Only to find out you’re going to be let down over and over because there isn’t anyone like them. I mean everyone is unique right? So why do we let go or walk away only to try to replace it with the same exact thing? Does that mean we didn’t learn? Or that we haven’t gotten over it? What does it mean exactly?

Well for starters it’s a huge red flag that you’re clearly not over it. Because why would you want the same thing? Think about it for a second. Have you ever encountered someone who keeps dating people who look the same? We all have a type but I mean they look exactly the same. Remember when Reggie Bush dated someone who looked just like his ex-girlfriend Kim Kardashian? Come on, we all knew what that was really about. Was it a dig at her or was it that he couldn’t get over her? No one really knows.

But for us normal people it’s probably a good indicator you’re not over them. So how do you not compare your past to your present? How does your “Type” not become a question of living in the past? Carefully is the answer. It’s okay to have a certain type you’re attracted to, not okay to want them to behave a certain way, look a certain way, and be a certain way. Can’t look for something that may not be there.

What you have to do is let go of the expectations. Go in with a clear head, no thoughts or ideas of what it SHOULD be.

• Go with the flow
• Try new things with this person
• Get to know them
• Refrain talking about your past relationships
• Focus on the here and now
• Let go of the fears
• Clean Slate
• Take an interest in something they like or do
• Learn from your past mistakes, try not to repeat them
• Listen to what they say and don’t say.
• Don’t force yourself to date or feel things. If it isn’t natural you could hurt someone.

Most of what is on the list will help you from comparing the past. Now if you find you just can’t let go then I am here to tell you “YOU’RE NOT OVER THEM”!! I don’t believe in getting under someone to get over someone. I think that’s a disaster waiting to happen. Healing on your own by paying attention to yourself and treating yourself well avoids getting others involved. Put yourself first and ask what would make you happy? Prioritize those goals. Focus on making things happen.

Helping yourself will help you keep the past where it belongs. And like I said if you can’t then maybe it’s time to have a conversation, be truthful because the only way you can get closure from someone is to be upfront about how you are feeling.

I know it’s not about pizza or that car you love. But when you first try something new expect it to be different that way you don’t get let down. It could even be better!!

How to celebrate New Year’s Eve alone…

Unfortunately, this year and last year didn’t give us many opportunities to celebrate the new year with others due to COVID. But there have been times where a pandemic isn’t the reason you were spending it alone: other factors like not having someone to spend it with, not having money or not wanting to be around others.

They say the way you spend your New Year’s Eve is an indication that’s how your year will be. So if you’re alone on NYE then you will spend 2022 alone.  But what if you are alone and happy, content and at peace, then YES you will be happy, content, and at peace in 2022. Do I believe it? To an extent I do. I’ve had an NYE curse since I was 16 spending it alone not by choice.

I personally prefer to be with people I care about but that has never worked out for me. I tried but the person I wanted to spend it with didn’t want to spend it with me, so I always spent it alone and would purposely sleep through it, I didn’t want to be reminded I was alone. In times when I was with others, I got stranded. Once I even got lost on the subway by myself at midnight. Still haven’t been able to break this curse!

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. As years have passed I’ve learned that spending it alone doesn’t have to be sad and depressing. You can use this day as a chance to reflect, renew and revive yourself. And with technology being so savvy these days you can communicate other ways so you are not technically by your lonesome at midnight.

First, figure out what do you want to accomplish on NYE. Do you want to be around others? Do you want to come into 2022 with a crowd? Do you want to be thought of at midnight? Breaking down what your trying to feel and how you want to enter 2022 can give you an idea of what things you can do alone.

Here are some ways to prepare for NYE if you’re spending it alone:

Cleanliness is close to godliness. Yes, clean the house/apartment from top and bottom. Get rid of the things you no longer use. Donate clothes or other items to charity. And when I mean clean, I mean really clean! Mop, sweep, laundry, dishes, vacuum and clean the bathroom. This allows new and good things to come into your life. (Do it with music, helps positivity come in.)

Sage. This isn’t for everyone but it helps to clear out any negative thinking or energy. After you clean your space, sage it. When you sage you want to make sure you do inside the cabinets, closets, draws, under the bed, and even the refrigerator. It’s going to get a little smoky lol (which means your doing it right). Once you’ve saged everything, then open the windows and doors and let the smoke out. This removes the negative and clears the air. Believe you will feel it!!

Speak to the Universe. Manifesting isn’t hard if you believe in what you want. Write down what you want for yourself in 2022. Write a letter to the Universe and explain what you want, try to refrain from using words with negative connotations like, don’t, not, or no. Focus on what you want not what you don’t want.

Light a candle. Lighting a candle is a bright light for positive things to follow. Think of it as your flashlight in the dark. Having the bright flame in your place will literally light up the place.

Feng Shui. Yes yes yes I believe in changing your furniture around does change the energy ( I used to get made fun of for this lol). It doesn’t have to be every room could be just one. Move some stuff around and open up some space for new things to come in.

Now that I have shared with you have to prep your space now it’s time to prep yourself.

Treat yourself to an amazing meal. Nothing better than a juicy steak or a piece of salmon. Eat something flavorful, tasty, and yes EXPENSIVE!! It’s once a year. It’s about making yourself feel good and bringing in happy times.

Take a long hot shower or bath. Soak those problems away, reflect while you are showering or in the bath. As you cleanse yourself you are releasing any bad energy and setting yourself free from anything that could be holding you back. And when you are showering clean everything, shave, wash your hair, exfoliate, and deep condition. Remember the more you take care of yourself the better you will feel.

Have a drink. Now when I say have a drink I don’t mean get hammered. A glass of wine or a beer with that amazing meal. Getting drunk can bring about bad feelings or reflections.

Plan what to watch. That movie you’ve been dying to see or that show you want to binge on. Try to keep it uplifting, I don’t recommend watching movies like “Passion of the Christ”. That’s a tear-jerker and ugh who wants to hang on to that feeling? Try more like “The Secret Life of Pets or Girls Trip”.

At midnight video chat or call someone, I know it’s not the same but that small amount of communication will make you feel better. The fact you are being thought of really has a bigger impact than your think.

If your choose to spend it alone, remember it could be a reflection of your year. If you’re ready for change and are tired of the same then start with celebrating NYE differently this year. Because if the pandemic has taught us anything life is too short to keep yourself miserable.

Happy New Year! May you have a wonderful and promising 2022!

What does a successful relationship look like?

By no means am I an expert but what I can tell you is that I am surrounded by many long-lasting successful relationships that have shown me what it takes. I think at some point we want to know how we can achieve one. Watching my parents who have been together for 47 yrs married 45 showed me what love looks like. Grandparents on both sides were together for 50 yrs, so you can see I am not oblivious to what real relationships are.

Relationships in general are complicated but not impossible. The most important thing to remember is every relationship is different. Not one is the same and I say this because comparisons will get you stuck in a repetitive cycle of unhappiness.  It’s best to refrain from letting your past live in your present. Always going in with a clean slate gives a chance to see all that is possible.

If you’re someone in general who has trust issues even before you meet anyone, that doesn’t mean you don’t trust people it means you don’t trust yourself. How can you not trust others if you don’t know them? Getting hung up on your past and holding on to old issues will not only continually see that you will encounter the same issues but you will also find yourself alone.

What are some of the ways to have a successful relationship?

Communication. I guess everyone knows this one. It’s a no-brainer. The more you talk about what’s on your mind and in your heart, the less chance anyone can come between you. It builds trust and a connection that becomes unbreakable.

Trust. Not an easy task to trust others but it’s necessary if you want some level of happiness. Distrusting others for no reason other than “your gut” with no evidence will have people also not trust you as well. Build on trust by guess what??? COMMUNICATING! The more you hide, the more you hold back, the more drama, problems, and setbacks you will encounter.

Friendship. Every relationship has a foundation of the friendship of some kind. Friendships brings commonalities to the table. I call it the phase of building and growing.

Inclusion. Who doesn’t want to be included in your life? Inviting them to family events, work events, and other social gatherings show off what you share. It also shares a part of your life that is important. It sends the message you are worthy. Anyone worthy is going to be part of the people that matter most to you.

Spend time together. It’s about how much time it’s about what you do with your time that makes it meaningful. Make your relationship a priority, even if you have to put it in your calendar. Don’t cancel plans or ghost people. And the worst thing you can do is say to someone ” I don’t know what I am doing yet.” It tells them that something better might happen over you, make the plan and stick to it.

And the last one, listening: being able to disagree without becoming volatile and hurtful. You can disagree with someone you love but compromising and listening even if you don’t agree is important. Because you’re being heard. Listening is vital because it shows that what they say and think matters to you. A sign they are listening is when you don’t have to repeat yourself.

With anyone’s relationship, it takes work and it’s not easy. But if you want it bad enough it can happen. It’s important to go slow but with an end game. Can’t go in not knowing what you want or where you want to go. Have some kind of goal and discuss it with them. Don’t be afraid of showing your card because once you do you have nothing to fear but allow life to pass you by.

If you want long-term love, first start with knowing what you want, speaking from the heart, and standing by the things you say! Except there will be challenges and it will take work. Relationships change as people grow.

How to get over someone

Getting over someone is never easy especially if the circumstances were beyond your control. The heart wants what it wants but at what cost? Heartache is natural human behavior. So getting over someone is part of the process. It’s not a quick process but it’s possible. First, you need to accept the reality of the situation. That means giving up any hopes they are coming back; holding onto the idea of reconciliation. You need to make peace with that things are over. Oh, easier said than done for sure. Once you grasp the truth and the process of getting over the pain it’s a start.

Heartache can feel like someone died. Because you are grieving, grieving in just for death. At times it can feel like you don’t want to do anything, lose motivation and isolate yourself from happy people. And again a clear indication that you’re suffering in some form over the loss of someone you love. Because let’s face it, if you didn’t love them well there wouldn’t be any pain, would there?

That suffering feeling can eat you whole if you allow it. The trick is yes morn over them but do not allow it to become who you are. What I mean is, now you are known as the person who is always sad who doesn’t go out or doesn’t like to be social. Pushing people away won’t help; it actually can make things worse.

So what are some of the ways to get over someone? Before I get into the list, remember to do this for you and no one else!

• Become a workaholic. Yes diverting the energy that you once invested into someone can make the time go by faster. And nothing wrong with being productive and making money.

But at what cost? Be careful not to work too much or you start missing out on life.

• Take up a hobby. Learn to golf, crochet, or play video games. Distractions help pass the time. But in this case, you’re also doing something you enjoy, bringing in positive energy. This gives you a chance to meet new people and find something else you enjoy.

This can open up other opportunities.

• Have a support system. The key to having support is being open enough to help others understand. It requires being honest with them and yourself. Don’t be afraid to talk about what is hurting you, why it’s hurting you, and that wanting to be around people who care about you.

If you choose to not share your feelings and ideas then this won’t help; you have to be willing to participate.

• Clear out reminders. That means removing them from your phone, getting rid of presents and memories. Either put them in a box or throw them out. You don’t need to block them but removing them from your phone will prevent you from wanting to reach out.

Memories are hard to remove especially if you have so many. All you can do is remove the reminders to make it less painful.

• Breakaway from Social Media. Taking a hiatus will give you some time to focus on yourself. How often are you going to look at their profiles, their quotes, and pictures? Definitely NOT HELPING!

This can become addictive and people become stalkers. Looking at it all the time GUESS WHAT! It will only make this harder for yourself.

• Hang out with another interested party. Now, this isn’t about making any jealous, it’s about making yourself feel good. And interested people flirt and like you can give you an ego boost especially if you’re down.

Don’t mislead anyone because that pain your feeling isn’t fair to impose on someone else.

Lastly, look toward the future, focus on your goals. When we take the time to heal and focus on what makes us happy, things fall into place when you least expect them. Don’t blame yourself for the loss. Blaming yourself will prolong the healing. Accept what part you played in it and learn from it. Try your best not to put yourself in that position again.

It won’t happen overnight and might never happen. But you can learn to move on from it and decide you want a happy life. Anyone worthy of your love shouldn’t be someone you get over quickly.

Silk Sonic, “Smokin Out the Window”

The talented duo has brought us another smooth soundtrack with lyrics that add humor and truth. Bruno Mars has been a star on his own with his writing skills and funky tunes for some time now. He has done it again with R&B songbird, Anderson Paak creating Silk Sonic.

In this particular track and video, you will find humor added to the stream of talent. Sit back and take in the 70’s feel smooth funk, smoking a cigarette. 

Anderson Paak and Bruno Mars bring it back and remind us what good music and videos look and sound like.

An Evening With Silk Sonic is arriving on November 12, 2021.

Check it out for yourself!

Emotionally Unavailable

An emotionally unavailable person has difficulty establishing and expressing emotions.  Getting close or intimate isn’t something that comes easy for them. Being in touch with their emotions is often something they can’t handle.

Basically, it is like having a car with bald tires, you can still drive it but it doesn’t drive as smooth.  Yes, being detached from your emotions can cause confusion and frustration. People will come off standoffish and cold.

Everyone has their own way of being emotionally unavailable. Some avoid feelings/emotions altogether by not engaging with people who would push them to talk about their feelings.

Sharing their emotions, expressing them can be quite a challenge for them. They will avoid intimacy and commitment. They get defensive easily and can’t sympathize with how you feel. They avoid labels, conversations that are deep and personal. They can be hot and cold, up and down. Will say things they don’t mean to appease the conversation. 

Sharing their time isn’t something they are willing to sacrifice for you. And this is also a sign of narcissism. They tend to control situations and aren’t willing to compromise. They want the connection to revolve around them because they do not have the ability to promote give and take with emotions.

What are some of the signs that you’re dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable?

• They won’t compromise their time.
• They avoid labels
• Avoid deep conversations
• Say things they don’t mean
• They don’t make plans
• You’re doing all the work to maintain the connection
• They avoid the word “relationship”
• You never seem to get close to each other
• They blow you off
• They cut off people quickly
• Always distrustful
• Only attracted to people who are far away, career minded or no interest in commitment.
• They want to continue to see and have sex with other people
• Won’t see a therapist if issues arise
• A relationship to them is a job, too much effort
• They speak over you

Being emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, just means you’re hollow and can’t relate to others easily.  They are still capable of love. It just means they haven’t developed or grown when it comes to people.

It can cause cycles of hurting others and believing emotions are a weakness. Feeling emotions and being able to express them allows a certain freedom and power that provides growth and stability. Yes, it is hard to say what you’re feeling at times but once it’s out there, there is a sense of relief. There is no longer confused about what is to come.

What causes emotional unavailability? Usually, it’s some kind of trauma that can stem from a past relationship, and believe now they are all like that. Here is the thing, comparing your past to others can be unfair especially since everyone is different.  Giving people a chance with a clean slate is a way to be fair, take things slow, communicate and listen.

It’s not easy to express yourself but not expressing anything will prevent you from hurting others.

End the Cycle, Let go of the Past!

Are you wondering why things keep happening over and over in your life? You can’t understand how you get into certain situations or why you are always in the same scenarios; that’s what we call a cycle. The non-stop pattern of happening over and over. Now there is something you should know about repeat patterns and cycles, you have the power to change them, to end it. It all starts with you!

Ever find yourself in the same kind of relationships, having the same conversations and things ending the same? Well, I am here to tell you harshly the problem isn’t them it’s YOU! Yes, the pattern is yours, not theirs. In order for you to set yourself free, you will have to do a few things.

• First you have to recognize you’re in a pattern.
• Figure out what the pattern is. In order for you to address you have to know what it is you keep doing. This isn’t about changing as a person this is about changing the situation.
• Let go of the past. This is the most important. Part of the problem with cycles is we have an idea that we can’t let go of. Living in the past, getting stuck there only hurts you. If you want to achieve some kind of happiness you need to own it and say “it’s time to move on and let go of the past.”
• Free yourself from expectations. If you go in with the mindset “I don’t want this or that.” You’re welcoming this pattern to continue instead it should be “I want this and that.” Attract positive not negative.
• Right the wrong. Okay this one isn’t easy, because not only does it require for you to correct the pattern and own it but you have to squash your ego to succeed. Pride and ego will keep you doing the same things. And can be your downfall.

It’s not easy but it can be done. Be prepared it won’t be easy at first. But it will get better. Nothing lasts forever. Every day you stay away from the cycle, pat yourself on the back. You’ve accomplished something that isn’t easy. Give yourself credit.

Ask yourself are you mentally strong? Because that is what is going to get you thru this. Being mentally strong is being able to let go and realize it was a lesson, not something you hold on to like a crutch. Mentally strong says emotions are not who you are but a part of you. Mentally strong defines how you handle intense situations.

Are you a runner? Will you continue doing the same things because it’s easier than actually putting in the work? Do you tend to disappear when it requires you to open up? All these questions participate in ending things that repeat over and over. If you’re that person who holds on to the past like a puppet you will never open new opportunities for yourself. You will never be free of that tortured feeling of being stuck.

Example:

A woman hasn’t been able to engage in dating or relationships because she was hurt badly by someone she trusted and loved.  She prefers to stay alone and deal with the misery herself. Her inability to trust and believe every man is the same and it keeps her single. If she wants sex she has friends for that. If she wants company she has friends for that too! This allows her to never have to commit or think of settling down. But over time she finds that she keeps meeting guys who only want her for sex, who don’t care about who she is. They don’t take her out, invite her anywhere or make her feel like she is worthy. So she cuts them off and makes the same mistake letting the next man know she doesn’t want to commit because she was hurt badly 8 yrs ago. (Really holding on this long, she clearly has some issues.) She has met some great men who wanted to give her the world but instead of giving them a chance she immediately friend zones them to prevent herself from getting hurt. Now she has so many male friends because she did it over and over again.

Lesson: Holding on to the past has allowed the man who hurt her to have power over her. He will always have this hold on her even though he is no longer around. Having this mindset has pushed away good people in her life and now meeting men at all has become scary to a point being alone seems better. But letting go of the past would have set her free, free from this man who has all this power over her and giving her strength back to trust herself to meet good men.

If you take away anything from this blog think of this: the past keeps coming back because you haven’t learned the lesson. Until you figure out why this cycle continues it will rob you of your future. Break down and look at what you don’t want to see to set yourself free.